Bismillah
November 7th 2018.

Assalamualaikum.

Hello there! Welcome to my not-so-great story again :)

So whats up for everyone? Im cureently again, having a break before my final which will be 2 more weeks from now. So im covering the lecture notes as much as i could, understand and memorizing as much as i could.

So, as you guys know im currently in my CMPH posting which is community medicine and public health. Well public health is actually a wholee different level of medicine seriously. All you guys learn is outbreaks, managing outbreaks and most important as a medical officer later.. how to diagnose and notify patient with infectious disease!

Thats important, where these data can be key in for under surveillance of the district health office to determine either outbreak is really occuring or not. Importance of vaccine, jangan kata lah, kami telah di 'brain wash' oleh lecturers untuk mcm mana bagi education untuk mereka yg anti vaccers xD

We also have been taught of how to do statistics for research purposes. Well, bila masuk cmph now i know why research is important. Itulahh sebelum ni main2 kann.. Alhamdulillah everything went well for the learning, but insyaAllah untuk exam nya juga T-T pray for me guys.

So how are you guys? Very happy to see my friends is busy with their own life. Seeing my friends yg study in overseas, serioussly jealous. Haha.

Dulu memang ada apply for studying biotech in London under JPA. (dah cerita tau in previous posts tapi nak mention jugak :P) Woah, tinggi kan cita2 xD

Yeah, but Allah knows what best for me. And alhamdulillah, praise to Allah He brought me here.  A journey in becoming a doctor. That was never on any plan in my life.. And alhamdulillah also, i may tak dapat scholarship for overseas but alhamdulillah in my year 2 medicine, few of my batchmates  and me was chosen to have biasiswa under JPA. Which also i could have never imagined to get.

Bila rasa kita tak nampak cahaya dihujung lorong yg kita berjalan, jangan berhenti berjalan. Teruskan berdoa semoga kita terus diberi petunjuk dalam perjalanan. Trust in Allah :)

Kadang2, insecurities ada menyelubungi diri. Tapi aku kena tepih semua tu, sebab dia tak membawa aku ke mana2. Insecurities of rupa? Insecurities of not being the best? Insecurities of not having a partner? Serious, benda ni semua mmg akan eat you alive if you think too much.

Sedangkan, apa yg kita ada dah memadai. Jodoh dan ajal itu rahsia Allah. Aku serahkan padaNya. Seperti apa yg seorang kawan aku pernah kata, dia jumpa patient dkt SGH (Sarawak general hospital) dan patient tersebut pun cakap pada dia, "Bangun pagi, setiap hari ucapkanlah rasa syukur. Syukur dgn apa yg ada."

Aku rasa sebak bila dengar tu. Walaupun currently im in cmph posting, but in free times I pergi visit Hospital Sibu joining my surgery friends. Dekat situ, aku tak tahu aku kuat atau tidak untuk menghadapi working life. Untuk merawat. Untuk memberi semangat. Untuk sentiasa senyum dlm kepenatan. Untuk mengawal kemarahan dlm keadaan yg tidak cukup tidur. Untuk bersabar dengan karenah staff hospital sendiri malah untuk bersabar dengan diri sendiri..

Yg tak tahan dalam ICU.. Aku rasa sedih sangat tengok.. cuma dlm hati bila jumpa every patient, aku doa sangat2 agar mereka diberi kesembuhan. Bak kata lecturer aku, "those patients under your responsibility might be someone else's mother or father." Time tu, mengalir juga air mata dengar.

Ya Allah, moga kau tabahkan hati ni. Dan moga jangan pernah hati ini berhenti berdoa kepadaMu. Dan semoga jangan pernah kau hilangkan keyakinan aku terhadap janjiMu.

Hm so, that was just a bit of what i felt during this posting. Hehe, next posting will be surgery posting for me. Akan ada on call! :O
Its okay, theres a lot that i need to learn. Its okay penat sikit sekarang, biar satisfaction nanti ada :D

We cant compare our journey with others. Its okay, Allah nampak segala kesungguhan yg kita buat dan Allah tahu  So, im gonna share this heaviness here with you guys. Sorry if its uncomfortable for you guys T-T

Sometimes cerita juga pada parents. Ya , pendengar setia diriku :')
Aku bersyukur sangat pada Allah, mereka masih bersamaku dlm perjalanan ini. Just a few more years to final year. May Allah ease everything for us.. pray for me.

So, having finals 2 more weeks. Pray for us!
InsyaAllah, all is well :)




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